I'll Change For You
by Becky9
Summary: It goes hand in hand with my 'I'll wait for you' I wrote ages ago. Abby POV considering everything from season nine, up to When Night Meets Day. As always please R and R - with whatever you think!


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Title and Author ; "I'll change for you" - Becky

Disclaimer ; Regrettably, I don't own anyone. But frankly, if I did, would I be sitting here writting a load of Carby fanfiction? No, well, yeah, maybe!

Spoilers ; If you haven't seen Episode 21 - 'When Night Meets Day', then yeah. Spoilers for that. Not many though, hardly any in fact. If you haven't seen any of the carby episodes in Season Nine then there are for that!

Style ; This kind of goes hand in hand with my other fic like this 'I'll Wait For You'. This time, it's an Abby POV after 'When Night Meets Day', and is just basically a short re-cap of the Carby relationship. It may also have lead to an alternative ending. Read into that what you will. ;)

Feedback ; Please! Feedback is my 'something to hang onto' because I don't have a Carter. Um, yeah. Either email me - with fanfiction in the subject title - drop me a review with the review button, or if you're from the C4 board - leave one there! Every one is obviously read and greatly appreciated!!

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The soft glow of the city dances before my eyes, the twinkle of softly fallen snow still apparent. The ground is hard, moulding with the ice above it. And it's here, I stand. Looking up at the sky, the last remnants of any eclipse. The last remnants of our relationship.

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" We're gonna be okay."

Are we? Are we anymore? We were great, and then, everything changed. You said you won the lottery.

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" Oh I did. When I met you."

And that you wanted us to stick. 

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" Because I really want this...to stick."

And then everything changed. Or maybe it did before that? With me. With my brother.

I wanted to help him, to save him, to redirect him from everything that would, and has come to him. I didn't want him to turn out like this. He was a good kid, full of life, full of hope, never angry at anyone, or anything, wouldn't hurt a thing. And now, where is he? Dead? Maybe. He's escaped, he's taken off like all the times when she did the same, all the times when she left us, basking in the shadows.

Of the times when I've sat there, when I've cried myself to sleep, just hoping that one day, everything would be okay, but it never is. Something comes up. Something. He's right. John Carter is right. Chaos always seems to rule.

If it isn't my brother helping me to push him away, it's the drinking. The drinking that shouldn't exist. All the time I'm with Carter, I'm happy. I'm happy with him. I need him. Right now. Here. I need him here with me, walking with me, holding my hand, guiding me through like he is every other time. 

" I'm not going anywhere."

And he hasn't. He's still here. But then, he didn't have a choice, I've wrecked his vacation.

If I had the nerve I'd be telling him this. But no, Abigail Lockhart is never a person to do that. Never a person to tell people how she feels, or to cry. At least he's seen that. He's seen me cry, he's seen me at my worst. And he hasn't ran away.

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" Run away Carter, as fast as you can." 

But he didn't. He hasn't. Until now. Going to Africa. It's not the safest place to be. 

It seems obvious that he wanted to get away, to go. To Rio. That failed. And now, he's going to Africa, and no-one, not even me, can stop him.

" It's not there, but it's not here either."

"It's me Carter. I've pushed you away. I wasn't there for you, when you needed me. Not like you were for me. You've always been there, and all I seem to do is throw it back in your face. I throw everything back in your face. And yet, when you needed me, I couldn't be there for you." 

In my defense, I couldn't leave him. Not how he was. And yet, I was trying to be there for both of you. It's something that I couldn't do. That I can't to. If I had been in his position, I would have done the same. He gave me an ultimatim, another one, one that this time, I really should have acted upon. But then, I've never been good at those.

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" So go do that."

I did. I went, I rescued him, I tried to save him from the inevitable. It didn't work. Frankly, what does?

What's happened? Two years of circling this for a year of a failed romance. It's not what he wanted any more than what I wanted. I wanted it to last. I wanted to look back and see that we were really perfect for eachother. That we'd changed...

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" I think we're growing....we're changing, do you?"

It's a big difference. That night - it was surreal. I should have answered yes, he would have gone ahead, and maybe I wouldn't be standing here now, outside his door. Alone. Basking in his very close departure.

Looks like people do change. People grow. People move on. And I only want to if it keeps us together. If we stay together. 

What brought me here?

The oak of the door warms under my hand, my fist raising to knock on the wood, the sound resonating through the night silence, and where, he opens it. 

Clad in the same blue scrubs as before, hair tousled, and a weary expression across his face - this is what I missed. Who I missed. And who I'm going to miss even more.

" Don't go." It's all I say, and maybe all I have to. He pauses, locking eyes with mine, and opening the door slightly.

The same old Abby? No, not if I tell him the truth. Not if I tell him how I feel, something, I'm not very good at. But I'll try. Carter - I'll change for you.

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Author's Notes; **I wrote one of these for Carter ages ago, based on 'A Thousand Cranes', and have been waiting for the oppurtunity to do one like this for Abby. Season Nine hasn't been in favour of myself and Abby really, I haven't liked her, but I think that was merely because of the situation and relationship being too one-sided. I don't know. I like her, just maybe I haven't liked her *as* much. Anyway, this was just a way I thought she might feel, or to put it in other terms, if I was her, this is how I would feel. Maybe there's a difference. I don't know really. I don't know much about anything at this hour. Hmm. Anyway, if you've read through this terrible author's note then please, do, also, review! They're all greatly appreciated.**


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